I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
