we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
someone owes me an orgasm
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
