Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
