I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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