I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
