Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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