I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
