her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
