The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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