do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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