If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
