you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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