The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
