my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just gift wrapped bread.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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