I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
