You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
