I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
