Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
