What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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