I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
