you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
