I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
