at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
