if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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