i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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