All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone shattered a urinal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
