He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
