my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
