I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
