____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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