Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
NoShamevember. You game?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
