You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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