Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
