I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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