After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
