Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We had sex on a dog bed..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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