i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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