You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
