giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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