In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
