im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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