What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
