I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
