Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
BRING THE BAGELS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
