My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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