If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
