we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
