i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
