took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
