You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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