My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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