i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
