He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
