the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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