Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
